Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A Filmic Conspiracy Theory

Guys, I just had an epiphany! This will only be a short post, but I feel that it is very important. I bet you guys believe that Jim Carrey starred as Count Olaf in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, right? Well, you're WRONG! I am about to convince you that it was Jack Nicholson, not Jim Carrey, who starred as Count Olaf in the 2004 adaptation of Daniel Handler's (Lemony Snicket's) A Series of Unfortunate Events books.

Stanley Kubrick's The Shining is my second-favourite film of all time, and if you haven't already seen it, I'm about to spoil it for you (just a bit, although The Simpsons have already done this in a Treehouse of Horror episode). Jack Torrance (played by Jack Nicholson) dies. He freezes to death in a snow-filled hedge maze.


Well, that's what Kubrick wants us to believe. I think he had the REAL Jack Nicholson cryogenically frozen, to be used in a future film. Fast forward to 2004, and doesn't Count Olaf look eerily familiar?  


I mean, just look at Olaf's expression in the above image. He is in shock, still coming to terms with tactile sensations. Nicholson is thinking, "Oooooh, this is what glass feels like. I forgot because I was FROZEN for 24 years!"

I know what you're thinking. What about all the films Nicholson did between 1980 and 2004? You see, Nicholson has an identical twin brother named Rupert. He became a recluse when his brother Jack started becoming famous. That's why you never hear about him. Rupert Nicholson has filled in for Jack in all roles post 2004, as well. Jack has retired as he does not want anyone discovering his big secret. 

But why is Jim Carrey's name still attached to the Lemony Snicket film? Good question. You see, Carrey's first ever role in a feature film was as Bobby Todd in the critically panned Copper Mountain, back in 1983. After that film, Carrey's agent felt sorry for the up-and-comer, and included a clause in Carrey's contract that he would be guaranteed to star in at least five 'big production' films within the next 25 years. Carrey was set to star in A Series of Unfortunate Events, when he came down with a mystery illness that kept him bedbound for close to six months. Director Brad Silberling made a phone call to Kubrick's daughter, Vivian, who knew where Nicholson's frozen body was located. Nicholson was soon thawed and given some acting lessons, and he was ready for the role. And there you have it, folks—Hollywood's greatest secret.

*Disclaimer: I don't actually believe this; I just have a very active imagination. 


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