Sunday, July 8, 2012

I'm Scared

I'm scared of death; of eternal unconsciousness. I don't believe in an afterlife. I wish I could, but I need evidence.

I'm scared of dying; of slipping into that endless state. Have you ever wondered what it feels like to die? Will I be aware of it? Will I have the perspicacity to utter some last words?

I'm scared of eternity. Yeah, death is a frightening prospect, but wouldn't eternal life be just as horrible? I wouldn't want to be a decrepit old man forever. And could you imagine how civilisation would just collapse and descend into anarchy? Sounds enticing, but that's only in theory. 

I'm scared of heights.

I'm scared of falling from those heights.

I'm scared of The Exorcist, but it's also a bit funny. Actually, I think I'm just scared of the make-up on Linda Blair's face.

I'm scared of waking up at 3 AM in an empty field. It would never happen, but I'm scared of the idea.

I'm scared of spiders.

I'm scared of cockroaches, especially the ones that fly.

I'm scared of caterpillars. This fear isn't as great as it used to be, but it's still there to some degree.

I'm scared of being the victim of a drive-by shooting inspired by no motives except bloodlust. I mean, what if I'm watching some funny cat video on YouTube when a bullet flies through my bedroom window and kills me?

I'm scared of having a stroke.

I'm scared of passing kidney stones.

I'm scared of unexplained noises when I'm the only one awake. It's usually just bats.

I'm scared of going to wake up a loved one only to find they're dead.

I'm scared of failure; it's why I seldom try.

I'm scared of thinking that sex is the meaning of life. I'm a virgin. I imagine that sexual intercourse with a person you love feels amazing. But what if it finally happens and it's not all it's cracked up to be? I don't want to disappoint myself.

I'm scared of what some people will do for money.

I'm scared of not waking up in the morning. Yes, this is an irrational fear. I wouldn't know it if I died in my sleep. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm scared of this being my last day on Earth without me even knowing it.

I'm scared of the scene in Psycho when Arbogast is walking up the stairs of the Bates house and...yeah, you know the rest.

I'm scared of amounting to nothing in life. I have no grand aspirations, but that doesn't mean I want my talents to go to waste.

I'm scared of riding a bicycle. No, seriously. I had a bad experience on one, and while I didn't sustain any serious injuries, it put me off riding one ever again.

I'm scared of walking the streets alone at night. It shouldn't have to be like this, but you just can't trust people these days.

I'm scared of drowning.

I'm scared of being incorrectly pronounced dead and waking up in a coffin.

I'm scared of feeling lonely. I don't mind being alone, but when I begin to feel alone, I get worried.

I'm scared of losing my sight.

I'm scared of being a bad parent.

I'm scared of getting old. This ties in with my fear of death, of course.

I'm scared of making one huge mistake that will make everyone hate me.

I'm scared that nobody truly enjoys my company. What if people merely tolerate me?

I'm scared that some people worship Nicki Minaj but can't name one song by The Beatles. It scares me even more when they're proud of it.

I'm scared of what comes up if you type 'harlequin fetus' into Google Images. Warning: it's not pretty and is actually really sad.

I'm scared of hypnic jerks, but they're also kinda fun.

I'm scared of public toilets. I've been to park toilets where faeces have been smeared on the walls.

I'm scared of express trains speeding past the station platform I'm standing on.

I'm scared of heavy thunder.

I'm scared of not having enough money to get by.

I'm scared of going to social gatherings where I don't know anyone.

I'm scared that the Westboro Baptist Church is an actual thing.

I'm scared of what would happen if my mother and father were in the same room again. They're divorced and do not get along.

I'm scared that I'll one day finish a major assessment task for uni and then delete the file simply because I get the urge to.

I'm scared that the best time of my life was my childhood, and anything that happens from now on will never be as exciting.

I'm scared that my children will grow up in a society where intelligence is frowned upon.

I'm scared of the fact that my loved ones will all die one day.

I'm scared of the impermanence of things. Nothing ever lasts.

I'm scared that someone I love will one day drink a lot of alcohol and do something really stupid as a result.

I'm scared of terrorism.

I'm scared that our society is conditioning people to believe that looks matter more than capabilities.

I'm scared of getting cancer.

I'm scared that some people delight in torturing animals.

I'm scared of being burgled. 

I'm scared of waking up in the middle of the night and seeing a mysterious man dressed in black standing at the end of my bed.

I'm scared of looking in the mirror one morning and realising "My face has changed. I am ageing."

I'm scared of divulging too much, so not all of my fears are listed in this post.

I'm scared that I'll make it big one day, and some jerk will dig up this post and use my fears to stage a major practical joke, thus publicly humiliating me. 


  1. In relation to your first couple of fears, I too shared them until I read "Life After Life" by Dr Raymond Moody. He studies Near Death Experiences to present a case for an afterlife. It's an astonishing read, and I felt a great peace of mind when I finished it.

  2. I'm scared of half of those things as well, but learn to take risks and don't be bogged down by giving yourself names like 'nerd' or introvert. Also, write a post on what you're not scared of. And omg I googled the babies!

  3. Thanks for your recommendations! Jane, I will certainly get around to that book, and Margaret, I agree with what you said about labels...although being an introvert is nothing to be ashamed of on an inherent level. If I wrote a post of things I'm not scared of, I'd be way too tempted to include novelty things like 'tissue boxes' and 'TV guides'.